Someday I’ll Figure This All Out

But for now I’m sad because this just might be only a slight alteration of what the future is like. But I don’t act on those maybes…

Here is a song I like, titled “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” by Death Cab For Cutie

everyday I wonder if I’ll go back and find them. I know where both the women live but he has been a mystery. I asked my Dad a while ago if he knew where he lived. We were in Oshawa so he pointed out the neighbourhood. He said he would know if he saw their vehicle. I haven’t seen him in a long time… likely ten years. I am so curious as to what happened to him… if he still lives… and in a way if he’s single. lol.

I met him before I became highly critical… that’s why I think it’s so easy to like him. He isn’t put to the standard of people I meet everyday. That does kind of make me out to be a mean person I suppose… but I’m pretty fair.

I’ve told my friends about him, they’ve said it’s a terrible obsession, obsessive love disorder. I don’t know why I can’t just let go of the memory… part of me is just afraid that once I let go of this person I’ll change. Another part is immature love. Another is intense curiosity. The final is that I have shaped my life to be accepting of people like him, to in a way put him on a pedestal. I defend what they say about it, saying a disorder is dependent on defining order. I am not one to part of the common people on my approaches to things and I just feel like this is part of that uniqueness.

To be honest beyond him and beyond the two others I’m not sure If I even want love… I’ve been considering that my life may just be absorbed by my career similar to how it is now with school.



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