I’m beginning to feel a weird void in my emotions. Sometimes I think I rarely feel at all, and this seems to be a new occurrence.
I don’t know if I’d place it as a bad thing really, I am trained to be like this in the business world. To be intelligent is to make strong decisions which is to be able to think through a process with a clear mind. I’ve written a lot lately in courses and in preparing for tests, writing is how I memorize and think through things the best. I think I may simply be experiencing a side effect of writing almost neutrally (facts, figures, evidence, versus emotion) for an extended period of time
In a way it is funny, some of the stuff I write that requires us to develop our emotional reasoning and to basically care about things I write like anything else, emotionless and structured.
But this is only one of the major things that is running through my mind lately.
Another thing that plaques my thought, probably more than the first is how I haven’t found that one thing. Everyone always talks about “I love ” or “I am really good at X”, but I can’t say that with meaning.
It is one of the strangest blocks to my thoughts and answers I can’t tell you if I’m good at something or that I want to be a doctor or accountant. It makes me really sad when I think about, I consider myself to be really good at the work I do at school but I’m not being too specific on what that means.
Is it being general that makes me sad? I don’t know, I feel a huge block when I think about these things like something is missing. I know I’m really good at things I throw time into but I don’t know my passion, I don’t have that one thing that says to me, “this is what I want to do for the rest of my life” or “this is what will make me happy forever”.
maybe it’s the business approach to things taking over, having to remain optimistic about a spectrum of things to not be let down by a loss in a specialty.