Keeping Pace With Me

A lot has happened in what seems to me to be a short time (article includes bolding let me know if it helps).


Annoyed by my inability to find work in Calgary, one of the most prosperous provinces in Canada I ended up taking a job as a seasonal banquet server at the Marriott.


Prior to this I joined a large networking group and met some great new friends. These friends were also hired at the Marriott so about six of them work with me – by this I mean can work with me but there are more than 100 banquet servers.


Of the networking group I’ve realized that I gravitate toward the high energy entrepreneurial type. I just love them, they change my life fairly easily. In part I’m scared of leaving Calgary now… losing them or being separate from them, the cost to me is high being away from them. On December 15th I plan on making a surprise trip back to Ontario for the holidays, everything is already arranged with my high school best friend to pick me up :-).


One of my friends from the networking group, and I should really use the term Best Friend as we are that close, partnered with a film producer to launch her idea. I can’t tell you how excited I am through text but her idea is going to go very far especially with a launch party in January, hosted by the producer. The idea is still under wraps, copyright and patent issues are progressing as we speak.


The guy I’m interested in at the Marriott is spending a lot of time around the obvious gay that works with us. He’s pretty nice looking to be honest, so I don’t blame him, I’m pretty sure he is more interested in him then me… but of course I’m jealous.


In a way, I’m terrified of going back to Ontario, I don’t want to revert back to the person I once was. I’ve embraced a lot of opportunity in Calgary, attended a ton of networking events and many people look to me now as an extravert and a “master networker” (I heard this yesterday). Coming from where I was before… the change seems impossible.


Ontario still holds the mystery of love and rediscovery. I still want to know about this boy I once cared for secretly, and I suppose I still do today. Its the most destructive thing on my mind, this one person holds so much of me. His name is Shane and I’ve told few people his name. I’ve dreamed of being able to apologize  to make everything finally end, I feel like I owe the world to him. I know I hurt him, I know I didn’t help him progress in anyway and I know we shared the same best friend but weren’t friends to each other, but I still feel responsible for this.

I asked my father two years ago how to find him – understating the importance of course. He took me to the neighbourhood in which he thought his father was. I admit at that point was incredibly nervous, but I could handle it. My father said that he remembered what he drove but didn’t see the vehicle. I can’t remember his last name so I asked my Dad if he knew. He said that his friend Jack, whom is very old and a bit on the crazy side, knew and I would need to call him. Unfortunately, his number isn’t as easily found so I’m still working on this. 

My old best friend might know where he is. The problem is, we didn’t have the greatest end to our relationship. She pretty much made me super depressed as she took up smoking became involved with the worst boyfriend I could imagine and started writing terribly. At the time I was in university so the last part really got to me. She’d write something like “eye knoe u… etc. etc. she sounded like she had some issues mentally…. Anyways I told her something along the lines of I really need positive people in my life and I need you to be able to write properly. It didn’t go over well. I know how to reach her grandparents who will know where she is but after to years I have no idea how she feels about me or how she has projected the idea of me to others.




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